Wednesday, July 12, 2006

Session Four

Last night I had my fourth therapy session. It went surprisingly fast and pretty well. We did discuss my guilt issues about not having enough time in the day to spend with T.D. and H as well as for myself. It's true as I'm stuck in traffic 2 hours of the day, at work at least 10 and by the time I come home it's the whirlwind of daycare pick up, dinner make up, clean up and talking up the baby and husband. I'm always up! Always on. It's exhausting and I know nothing new to anyone. I hate that this is our life though.
I almost canceled the appt last night too as I had a ton of work to do and seeing as I'm still the only one in my dept not on vacation I'm doing double work. It's nuts! But then I thought- when did I get that lobotomy? Why am I letting company R define my life like this? I plunged further into PPD on coming back here. Why am I getting deeper into it? I need my therapy. So I stuck to my guns and walked out the door on time just making it to my appt. I am so glad I did. I will also be taking a lunch today again. I did yesterday too the first time in about a year. It was really very nice and needed more than I thought. Funny how breaks are a good thing.
I'm thinking of quitting weight watchers. I have 7 lbs left to go to be back to my pre-T.D. weight and really I just need to do weights more and keep up the cardio. I am know what I'm not supposed to eat and the value of what food is now and that's that. I"m cutting back on caffiene and smoking too. I was getting into some sort of addiction fantasy land for a while thinking it was all good and I am invincible but wrinkles early I do not want! Lung cancer is not the way I want to leave this world so I'm quitting. I'm sure most of my friends who were silently disgusted with my falling off the wagon are breathing a healthy sigh of relief. Starbucks stock might go down again for the second time this month now that I'm cutting back.

We are on the path to wellness folks. I stumble along the way but as my therapist said last night- You are making real progress! Go Me!

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