Nope. No, Thwimp. I mean Shrimp.

I was all proud of myself too.

I had just finished dinner and looked at H and declared, "Wow. That was a really good pizza I made, if I do say so myself." He agreed. Two seconds later I said, "Huh. That's weird. It's like my tongue is numb. And my throat. As if I sprayed that numbing throat spray in my mouth." I figured he would make fun of me and I would reply back with something smart in return and we would be on our merry way.

Except he didn't. He said, "Your lips are swelling too. A lot." WHAT?! I ran to the bathroom and sure enough I looked like I was transforming into a fish. My throat felt tighter and my tongue even bigger. I stuck it out and it fat. WTF?! I began to panic and gulp down water.

I'm allergic to nothing. Clove is the only real sensitivity I have. You light one of those charming holiday candles or spray some of that atrocious potpourri spray around me and I'm libel to vomit or just get a massive migraine. I once puked from a holiday ham stuffed full of clove. Unless, it's in ciggie form, I can't deal with clove. Medication, foods, anything else. I'm totally fine. So why the F was I swelling like a puffer fish and beginning to panic?

I began to pace the floor as H went next door for Claritin. Did nothing. And I noticed something. The reaction would come and go. Swell. Unswell. Feel like I can't breathe. Breathing. He called my OB/GYN to see what I could do and take. Benadryl or the ER they suggested and then asked if perhaps there was any shrimp on the pizza. At least three times they asked this question. "Um.. no. No thwimp. Just plain pitha," I said. Did I perhaps put MSG on it? Because, yeah who doesn't like to just sprinkle a few shakes of MSG on their food, particularly already salty pizza? Anyone? Anyone? Didn't think so.

In the end a Benadryl quick strip that tasted much like a mouthful of cheap hotel toothpaste was the only thing I needed. Panic subsided and I was free to go about my night raiding the Halloween candy TD still has left in her pumpkin bag. Jolly Ranchers are good for anaphylactic shock right?

WTF is wrong with me these days? Now I can't even eat pizza?