Bits & Pieces

Tidbits and snippets of life the last few days...

To the man at the post office sporting a rather lethal tan, please note that our government has not turned on you and the American people simply because the sad little postal annex (not an actual post office) does not stock flag stamps right now. Really. The U.S. Government is not trying to ban the image of the American flag.

I checked snopes for you.

You can rest easy now- preferably in a sticky chaise lounge or tanning bed I'm sure. Your ten minute tirade to the clerk and all of us waiting in line (especially me, you know the lady with the toddler holding her chotch.) was completely unnecessary.


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Dear Local Pool Patrons:

It came to my attention this past weekend that my melon ball of a stomach is terrifically white. I apologize for any blinding I might have caused you. Please know it was not my intention to scare your small children with my pasty after-life type glow. I am in fact, very much alive and I am not some sort of pool zombie looking to devour your children's brains to feed my own spawn.

I would however, very much like to eat any and all of their snacks.


Signed,
Mummy

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To be filed under products I will NEVER review (nice try though.)

Poo-Pourri.

The ideal new purse essential is how it was pitched to me.

Because you never know when you are going to have to take a big, stinky poo in a unisex bathroom. Or something like that.

Seriously, folks you can't make this sh*t up. Pun intended.

Poo-Pourri comes in two delightful scents- Royal Flush and No. 2

Yes, they did go there.