Thursday, July 28, 2011

I Call Uncle, I am a Parenting Failure.

I feel completely and totally inept these days.  When I am out in public I feel like people are looking at me and thinking, "Lady, why in the world do you have three kids?"  I know that I am outnumbered. I look around me and feel like everyone is doing everything better, easier and in a less stressed out way.  I almost broke down in the middle of Target this morning when I couldn't steer the cart that is supposed to hold all three kids. A man in his 70s had to help me control them as The Comedian "houdini'd" herself from her straps and took off in the parking lot as I buckled the baby into her car seat. 

I've been trying to keep a grip on all these welling emotions. Trying to stay in control.  I keep looking at the other side, "I have three healthy, beautiful children"  and it shouldn't matter that each time I pick up The Fifth Element she slaps me, bites me, head butts or kicks me.  I know it isn't intentional, but I swear I've almost dropped her a half dozen times the last few days because of it.  Last week I felt I was treading water, this week I'm drowning. 

When H comes home I am exhausted. I am glassy-eyed and empty.  I want to give him my attention so badly, but when it takes me a whole day to remember to drink a glass of water or almost two hours to finish my lunch, it is awfully hard.  And I don't think he wants to hear about it anyway. 

I feel like such a failure as a mother right now.  I'm all restrained tears, restrained yells and out of ideas.  I keep telling myself that it is the ages.  That the three's and age of one are trying because no one can communicate well or do a lot for themselves.  Lately though that doesn't put the salve on the gaping wound that is my feelings of futility and worthlessness as a parent.


  1. Thanks for being so honest about your experiences! I don't have kids yet and I feel like my friends with kids are so reluctant to admit to moments like this to me.

  2. Hey Vicky. good for you braving Target with all three kids. I actually now wait until my husband is home & only take my oldest since she allows me quick in & out of the store (and I don't feel as bad for leaving my husband home with one kid). I can't steer a shopping cart anymore since my 2 year old wants me to hold her while i shop or allow her to run up & down the aisles. HHMM..lose-lose situation. Good luck with your future shopping trips!

  3. Oh Vicky, I feel like this so often, and it was a million times worse when these guys were younger.

    This is why people don't work from home.

    You are doing just fine. Your job(s) are just HARD and EXHAUSTING.

    (Also why I was on medication for years.)

    My honest advice is to cut out everything (writing wise) that doesn't pay. We'll talk more this weekend.

  4. Thanks for sharing this. I'm a mother of only one and have days like this, I can only imagine the chaos you must feel sometimes with three. I just try to remember that it takes the hard moments to understand how great the good ones are.

  5. I hope that since you've posted this things have gotten better. I think the fact that you admit that sometimes you're in over your head is a sign you ARE a good mother- how many parents are out there that could care less about the well-being of their children? I honestly think there are more out there than they like to admit. It's funny I read this today because last night my sister (who also has 3 kids) posted on Facebook that she must be a terrible mother- she had her husband drop her middle son off at Boy Scouts, and 5 minutes later got a call that it was a parent-only meeting. And for the record I think she is an amazing mom. I know some days are harder than others but don't beat yourself up too much, I'm sure you're trying your best. We're only human.



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