One Step Closer to the 'Burbs Way of Life

I feel as if I've been initiated one step further into the whole parenthood thing this weekend. We did the whole mall Santa thing. H & I were convinced the guy would be reminiscent of 'A Christmas Story's' (and can I just say, I identify with the father of this film a bit too much.) Santa or the incredibly scrawny guy we see at the tree farm each year but nope, this guy was pretty legit.


What was disconcerting, besides the line and vacant glazed over looks all the parents possessed, was the freakin' options for photos. Sure, you could use your own camera but you had to make a minimum purchase. These were no Polaroid shots either. No, Santa's village, which came complete with two dreary looking "elf" helpers, (don't call them Santa's helpers or Elves for the love of God! The death ray glares alone would cut you.) had so many alphabetized options and packages to choose from it was all a bit daunting. A bit more daunting than keeping a two year- old in line for forty minutes. In the end we opted for the ultra modern I-can't-believe-this-is-an- option option of a USB drive with our photos on it. Ain't we slick?


When we got home H couldn't wait to upload it all onto his Facebook account (I should have never introduced him to that quagmire on the web) and I discussed how soul sucking the experience all felt with a friend. She likened it to, "Gray. It all just sounds so depressing in a suburban sense. I think of the mall Santa and just feel depressed." I have to say, I agree. The five seconds of cuteness with TD and Dash Two was great but over all? I'm fine not ever doing it again. And keeping my $30.