Friday, February 23, 2007

A Fred Flintstone-Mr. Spacely Moment

It's cold in the house, the wind is whipping it up good outside. I keep finding myself being inexplicably hot today, just sweating for no good reason. A hot flash really. Then the next minute I'm chilled to the bone. Is that complaining? Am I being negative saying that?

This post may not make sense to some, but think back to the old cartoons The Flintstones and The Jetsons. Fred would get mad and he would mutter to himself a bunch of nonsense. Mr Spacely would do the same thing until he finally would lose it all over George. I'm kind of like that. I realized I strongly identified with these two cartoon characters and their dealings with frustration and anger when I was about eight. I get frustrated, hot and bothered (literally today) and I mutter. I make loud declarations to no one in general just aloud. To some it sounds negative.

I wish I could figure out how to break that habit. Maybe I need a collar like a dog and need to be zapped each time I'm about to blurt out the obvious in disgruntled tones such as, T.D. is cranky. The dog is needy. I am afraid I'll never get another writing job after each job ends. I feel sometimes that just simply selling Arbonne, cleaning the house, throwing parties, running errands, writing, and raising our kid I'm still not on the same level as someone who works outside the home. There I said it. I feel that way everyday. Go ahead other Mom's lambast me. I don't care. It's how I feel. If feeling that way is wrong then I have to figure out how to get past it. I'm trying to do that. It's reconditioning my brain though and that takes time.

Yet, being told that I need to change how I am naturally is a bit hard to do. That is why I think shock treatment might work or a vow of silence unless I just talk about the weather. That might be wrong too though. I am not sure where the line is that I'm crossing continuously that makes me negative. I am a sarcastic person, I don't wear rose-colored glasses. This is not a news flash. Saying it's cold outside isn't complaining. Saying it even in a less than happy tone is just my way of proclaiming the obvious. It's cold outside.

I'm already donating ten cents for each swear word I use to Avon Walk for Breast Cancer during Lent. I'm giving up a favorite past-time of mine for Lent and so that I'll be more of the positive, less of the negative. I feel happier and less stressed normally than I have in years. This week though I admit has been hard. I am very muttery and frustrated. That is what having three parties does to me, plus cleaning, working, the kid thing, and oh yeah, my cousin going back to Iraq, and my grandmother being in the hospital for a week with no word on how she is doing does to me. Sue me. I'm harboring some inner stress and turmoil that I'm TRYING to NOT unleash but I guess it's not working.

I'm done now. I'm in the doghouse. Is that negative? I honestly don't know anymore.

1 comment:

  1. Let it out girl! I find that whatever method you use to stop the thoughts from circling inside your head is great, even if does mean the thoughts begin circling outside your head, labeling you as "negative." But I'm also conceived as a very negative person, so you don't have to listen to me.

    I just realized how new-agey that sounded. no apologies though.


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