Feel the Power of The Hoff

How freakin' creepy is this? I know it was the 80's but I can't help but think that he would do it all again if given the opportunity and a few homeless Char Pei's. It's like some twisted nightmare.

Product of the Week!

It's Tuesday so that means it's time for the Product of the Week! I've added a new section to my site this week. It's a better link to Amazon.com where you can find most of the products, books, movies and music I may talk about but also a store I've created where many of the Products of the Week can be found. Check it out when you can.

Now for the product. I got my hair did on Saturday and while I'm not loving the length (again). I did find some fun new products. Bumble & Bumble makes a great hair powder. It comes in four shades-Blondeish, Brownish, Redish and Whiteish. I am using the Blondeish and while it's a tad darker, it is great in a pinch when the roots begin to show, you can't or don't want to wash your hair that day and/or need volume to your limp little locks. For me who has naturally gross hair of the greasy kind I used it Sunday to extend my great blowout. It worked! Plus I got rid of the bed head. Nice! Try it out in whatever color hair you might be having at the moment.

I don't even know what to say

But H this is for you. After seeing 'Little Miss Sunshine' this weekend H asked if little pageant girls really look that way. His description was this: Holy crap! They looked like creepy little dolls that would come out and kill you at night! Do they really look like that?

Yes, H they really do exist. They are out there and if you don't believe me just look at what Lucinda from Suburban Turmoil posted on her site on Aug.25th, Friday. Scary doesn't even begin to describe these ads. Sad? yes. Disturbing? Totally! I personally think that T.D. will end up looking very Olive-like and that's just fine with us. I think Olive is a cutie. I just don't understand the parents who quite frankly often look the very opposite of their uber-made up walking and talking scary-nightmare doll children. Their like little kiddie Stepford kids. If that is what your kid is really into like little Olive, then hey, Rock On! I am not even going to comment on parents who put their kids in these things and then have kids who don't even know what real play clothes and dirt is. I don't want the grief.

Date Night! Part Two

Friday was Date night, with a capital D. I was a bit nervous about leaving T.D. with a new person, as was H, but it worked out quite well. In the end. I did have a moment of panic at the end of the night but more on that later.

I just have to say that EVERY parent needs to find a sitter. This whole "my child is too precious" to leave with anyone bullshit is just that. Seriously. Mommy and Daddy need a break and need some Mommy and Daddy time or they start referring to themselves as Mommy and Daddy. Yeesh!

We didn't do anything big. Just dinner and a movie. It made a huge difference though. At one point the hostess was seating us at our table and said, "Oh, I'll put you here away from the baby." At first I was a bit put off thinking, "Well, that's not nice, I would feel awful if she said that about us and T.D." Later I was happy that we were a bit on our own and it felt like the old us again. No checking on T.D. or even hearing the other baby. It was nice. I think I even felt younger. After dinner we had a bit of time so we roamed the mall attached to the theatre. I found myself in the kids clothing section which I normally don't go to. Suddenly my arms had tons of cute and totally unneccesary stuff for T.D. I settled on two things and that was that. Again I thought, it is nice to not have the stroller to manuever. Off we went to the movie.

H and I had decided to see 'Little Miss Sunshine'. Let me just say- that movie was the funniest one I've seen in a LONG time. The link is in the title. H almost fell out of his seat laughing and I had tears rolling down my cheeks. The cast works extremely well together and it has a nice mix of funny and sad. I highly recommend forking over the $9 bucks to see it. Go now! Run to your little multiplex and pee your pants.

After the movie we headed home to relieve our new sitter. T.D. was sound asleep in her crib her dictatorship secure and the sitter didn't seem any worse for wear. She said she fed T.D. and put her to bed at 8 p.m. like we asked. Good. H drove her home and I wandered the house picking up. By the time H got home I was getting a little worked up. There were no bottles in the sink, or around the house. Nothing in the dishwasher or even in the trash (Yes,I checked). H then discovered that all three bottles were still in the fridge. Hmmm... I roam the house again. I check more trashcans. Maybe she thought they were disposable bottles? Huh. Nothing. I look for baby food containers. No dirty spoons, bowls or even cups. Yet somehow T.D. is asleep. I'm freakin' out man. Did this chick just lie to us? The bib is even clean though it's in a new spot. I'm so perplexed! H asks if I want him to call her at home. No! No! I'm fine I say as I go back downstairs and check the office. Maybe she used our computer? I rummage the trash again. Nothing! What is going on?

I finally settle in to bed. T.D. will probably wake in the middle of the night starving. But you know what? She didn't. In fact, she woke up an hour later than normal. Come morning I look at the bottles in the fridge again. An ounce is missing from one. So that's it. I did say to the sitter that T.D. can refuse a bottle. So I guess she did. See, now I'm really glad I didn't call that poor girl and unleash my freaked out momminess on her. She would have never come to sit for us again and that would be a tragedy all of its own.

Date Night!

H and I have a date tonight. I almost feel like capitalizing the word date. Elevating it with the importance it deserves. Date. There that's better. We have no special occasion or event going on. We are just heading out to dinner and a movie. A quick dinner and it's all local. No trip into the city or anywhere else but it will be just us. I love T.D. and all but geez, sometimes I want to eat a meal without getting up nine times to hand her a toy, wipe up vomit, change a diaper, the list goes on. Same goes for H.

I'm a firm believer in going out and getting what you want. What I wanted was a baby sitter. Writer, Lucinda of Suburban Turmoil, recently wrote an article for the 'Nashville Scene' about how a mother's sitter is confidential. You can't get a mother to give up that information no matter what. It's top secret, if the sitter is good. I found this to be true this week when I asked around my neighborhood and women who can normally recite a recipe they just saw verbatim could suddenly not even remember their sitters name. Hmmmm... Scary yet fascinating to this new Mom.

So, we have a sitter. She's new. We're trying her out. We found her through her parents. We know her Dad, he offered up her services months ago and I stored that little nugget of information away in my brain to be unleased at said time. If T.D. deems this girl acceptable then I hope to use her again. Really though at this point all my mind can think about is dinner alone with H, a movie with popcorn to share, and adult conversation that doesn't involve food being thrown at us. That and looking cute and hoping H doesn't think I look "Mom-ish" again.

Crushin' On

Mr. Stephen Colbert. Just a little. Who doesn't love this guy? Watching the 'Colbert Report' never fails to make me smile if not spit something out of my mouth in a sputtering mess. Thankfully H likes him too. It's a great combo Comedy Central has going with Jon Stewart up first and then snarky Stephen. I'm just waiting for the day he does the 1st or 2nd district of lil' Rhody and interviews one of RI's finest politicians.

If you haven't heard there's a good article (link above) about how Colbert is trying to spread himself all over the internet like a virus. The guy is even trying to get a European bridge named after himself. His fans know no bounds clearly since he's the lead name in the bridge-naming contest. Check out www.youtube.com as well to see him at his best, playing with light sabers.

Cheers!

It's Sing Along Time Boys & Girls!

I'm going to be upfront right now and say that sometimes, ok almost all the time, H and I have kind of a sick sense of humor. It's what got us dubbed as the 'The Means' and 'The Evils' to begin with. But last night even I was surprised as to the levels that we can go. And then almost pee our pants laughing at.

Scene: T.D. has just had a bath. She's all sweet smelling and cuddly while H is drying her off on the changing table. I'm bustling around the room putting things away and whatnot. Suddenly I am tuned in to what H is saying to T.D. in a sing song voice perfect for singing nursery rhymes. G-rated nursery rhymes.

"Put the lotion in the basket or it gets the hose." "It puts the lotion in the basket or it gets the hose...."

All this while he is putting baby lotion on T.D. T.D. who is smiling and giggling the whole time.

I turned around and said, H! You cannot sing that to her. That is sick! That's just great! What are we going to do when T.D. comes home from nursery school one day after saying to the whole class, Hey everybody! I have a new song to share! Cut to a visual of T.D. at age three dancing around like that freak from 'Silence of the Lambs' in his skin cape and makeup. That's great I say, Just great! Then H starts dancing around and singing it more and adding some Hello Clarice's in there for good measure. At this point, I can no longer be serious. I almost choke on my water I'm swallowing and pee my pants as he continues his impromptu re-enactment of this film starring T.D.

That kid is really going to need some expensive therapy.

Regrets?

I try not to regret anything in my life. I don't think it's worth it. I try to learn from my mistakes which is what I prefer to call these "regrets". I do however feel bad about things from time to time. I feel bad for example about how harsh I might have sounded yesterday regarding my Mom. I don't mean to judge her though I guess that is what I'm doing. I just have body image issues of my own that I can't seem to accept or get rid of. I'm not content with what I have become. Or how much it reminds me of my Mom. I'm driven to change it. I get frustrated with those that lament the way they look and then do nothing about it. I guess that is what has always gotten me so annoyed with my Mom and then in turn made me judge her and disrespect her in that way. I have to let that go and with that it's the end of that part of the subject.

Product of the Week!

This week it's Aveda's Tourmaline Charged Radiance Mask. The name alone seems to illlicit the need for about three extra exclamation points. I first used this stuff about a month ago at the Aveda Spa in New York. It was part of my facial and I loved how soft my skin felt literally for days. Could have been the rest of the facial as well but I still get a zen like quality over me when I use it. Could also be that it's because I'm doing something nice for myself which in the fat ass cranky pants state I'm in this week anything helps. Still, I like it. I used it last night again and today my face feel soft and dewy but not like an oil slick and it's 89 degrees outside. That's saying something. It also doesn't burn or irritate my skin which is a change from most of these supposed "radiance" products, i.e. make your face radiate red with irriatation. Try it! You just might like it too!

Come the F On Britney!!

SERIOUSLY! Why? Why can't Carson from Queer Eye, Mr. Blackwell and hey, maybe Oprah provide some sort of intervention on this girl? I can't even make fun, it's just too sad.

I love you, You love me, We're a happy Faaammileee!

The family reunion was not quite like that. Thank God! That would have been sickening. It was nice though. It was nice despite the fact that at one point I found myself standing stock still in the tiny cabin living room watching my mother spin out of control in full on stress mode turning beet red in the face while whirling around the tiny kitchen. At one point my cousin offered her a drink and there was some yelling going on and I just creeped out. Serioulsy, I know I exhibit some of the traits as well but good God it was frightening. I HAD to get out of there!

Everyone arrived in the evening for your typical cookout and T.D.'s debut. She requested that we bring her out Cleopatra style but we told her that wasn't quite lake house style and vetoed that type of entrance. Instead I carried her out when she awoke from her bazillionth nap of the trip (kid slept more than most people do in a month). There were oohs and aahs over the cute babyness of her and she was passed around. I think she liked it or at least tolerated it. My grandmother again was so pleased to be surrounded by her family and I think it really did her a world of good. It made me happy just to see it.

There was so much food. So much food. There was a, groaning under the weight, dessert table. Desserts four deep. We sent people home with stuff including boxes of donuts, pastries, a random bag of M&M's that wasn't killed and more. I sampled cookies, candy, champagne grapes and some sort of pudding/angel food cake/cool whip thing that made me swoon. I love crap! I'm like the Oscar the Grouch of junk food. I love eating right but I can sure pack away all sorts of crap food like a Cold War Russian on free bread day. I saw the healthy salads on the picnic table and I went right by them opting for the nice mayonaisse coated non-whole wheat pasta salad. Oh yeah! I ate a cheeseburger, chips, pretzels, drank a few cocktails and spilled some not so cool information.

Yup, I had a few too and told an aunt about the blog. I didn't tell her the name but damn! Damn, Damn. I was hoping that she would just forget all about it until yesterday when lo and behold she included it in an email. Something about looking for the blog, I don't know where, and not finding it, could I please send it? Augh. NOOO!!! NO!!!! I discussed this with H as well as a cousin of mine (only two cousins possess the link to the blog, only two- let's keep it that way shall we?) and both said that it would be very unwise to pass it on. As H put it, and I agree, what I write and feel is not me. It is but it's not literal. And some people might take all the "100 Hundred Ways of Crazy" literally. That and yes, I can be a little un-PC and a bit of a potty mouth. I know. I mentioned the fact that I have some devout friends who read and like the blog so maybe? Maybe it would be ok with the fam? Nope, H said. For this one reason, my friends, they know me. They have lived with me or just really known me for a long time and "get" me. Or whatever. My family? Not so much.

I guess that could be the question of the week- should I tell the family? Obviously my parents don't give two rats....

Besides, I'm not that fascinating maybe no one will ever read it.

Oh, and stupid blogger isn't doing pictures still for some reason or other so I'm sorry this is boring.

Here We Go Again

Ok! So the first few posts about our trip to the great states of Massachusetts and Rhode Island didn't turn out like I wanted. Seems there's a tiny issue with posting the photos. Meaning, they just aren't. I don't know why. I'm switching back to this site and will continue with our oh so fascinating trip up North. I know you are just dying to know what happens next. Will T.D. fight the psycho squirrel? Will our fearless mother actually admit to her family that she's really trying to write and make a go of it? Well, you all know the answer to that sad question. It's a sad answer.

Onward!

Day Two: Thursday dawns with the possibility of more "relaxation", family time and the jubilation that we are getting clamcakes today. For those of you who have not ventured into the South County part of RI, which is where I'm from, a clamcake is a fritter. It's a ball of fried dough that has chopped up clams inside. Sounds oh so appetizing doesn't it? It is actually even to me the non-seafood eater. I LOVE THEM. In mid-March I will crave them. I've bought the batter mix online to make at home which I've never actually done and I've converted H into a believer in the power of the clamcake. For my family the only place to go for these is the Hitching Post located in Charlestown, RI. I've been going since I was a wee lass and have to go each time I'm anywhere near the state of RI between Memorial Day and Labor Day which is the only time the Post is open.

That morning H and I headed to "The Nut". To everyone else it's Dunkin Donuts. To us, it's the "The Nut." Why is it called that? H once heard a friend of mine's ex-boyfriend refer to DD as Dunkies. A term I loathe. It's so, oh I don't know? Uneducated sounding? It seems to encompass all that I find embarrassing about RI. Dunkies. I made H swear on a blood oath that he would never, EVER utter the word Dunkies. Augh. He does it now only to piss me off and it never fails to work as I hear it echo in my brain in my friend's fake Boston accent. I twitch just thinking of it. Anyway, so H came up with the Nut and it's stuck. After the Nut run we headed back to the cabin and hung out for the morning. We thought we would make the trip to South County as one big happy family, complete with T.D., grandparents and all.

This meant waiting for my parents to come back from their "short" trip to visit my uncle's land. About three hours later just as I was about to throw my non-working cell into the lake they walked in the door. With groceries. They had made a side trip. I wasn't going to go into how annoyed H and I were. I just let it go and tried to hussle everyone out the door. T.D. is a schedule baby and we needed to get going. Off the family goes in the Pathfinder out to wander South County. I break my news in the car about the fantastic plan for the day I have. It does indeed involve going to the 'Fantastic Umbrella Factory'. The groans from my Father were very audible for a short time.

"The Umbrella Factory? Come on! That is a hippie commune!" he grumbled. I politely told him to shut it and just figure out how to get there. We were eating lunch there and he was going to like it. And he did. We all did. Even T.D. who got her first taste of salsa to her delight. I think we all had a good time in the end. My Mom and I strolled the gardens and looked in the stores. T.D. hung out with her Pep on a bench pickin' up chicks. Seriously, that man had no idea that his grand-daughter would get so much attention. I didn't tell him that dictators normally do. Women and kids flocked to T.D. and H sat in the truck making business calls.

Next up we drove on to Watch Hill. An area full of old, huge houses on the water and a simple one-street shopping area. I like this small area for the scenery. It's home to the oldest carousel in the country and we let T.D. say hello to the masses there. She also tried some ice cream that she felt the need to plunge her hands into. I wasn't expecting that. While my father seemed perturbed about "the heat, what is your mother doing? Augh. It's hot! Why do we have to look at an empty lot again? It's hot. Aren't we going home yet? It's crowded! I thought you all wanted ice cream. " H and I strolled on, buying a photograph of the hotel that stood on the now empty lot. I made a promise to T.D. that in 2009 we would come back and stay in the new hotel that would occupy that now empty lot as I had always wanted to do before. We left Watch Hill a little weary but surged on to our last stop, The Hitching Post.

Dinner! Fried clams, fried shrimp, fried chicken, and clamcakes!! Whoo hoo! If your arteries weren't clogged before and screaming for mercy they would be after a visit to the Hitching Post. It's a landmark if you ask me. A little red shack on the side of the road with a take-out window and quite possibly the tiniest dining room ever. The walls are covered with a wood paneling that has wooded scenes on it. Bob Ross-type paintings of beach scenes hang on the paneling surrounding green vinyl booths and white formica tables. The floor is a nice beige linoleum. The sun always seems to be blinding at least one person at the table. Does it get any better than this? No, it does not. I love this place! It is summer to me. I gorged on clamcakes and used the outdoor bathroom. You have to, I mean the place is so old it has an outdoor bathroom! Afterwards we waddled out, clutching our chests and guts and took a photo to commemorate T.D.'s first visit to this place. She offered to scribble her signature and let them hang the pic on the wall for a fee but they declined. She scoffed at them and we headed home.

It was dark when we got back to the lake house. Another day of our vacation done. Tomorrow is the Family Reunion. Stay Tuned!

T.D. arrives in Lil' Rhody

Don't be hatin' on me jus' cuz I have mad skillz in this here strolla

We're Back - Part II

I'm going to try and get our trip chronicled and out on the other blog-The Evils this week. We'll see how that goes as I feel like my shit's all apart right now. Feel free to check in though on The Evils throughout the week to see if I've made progress. Feel free to verbally whip me into shape if I haven't.

And we're back!

So, it's been a few days and I'm getting back into the swing of things. We had a good time with the family. I took a lot of pictures and for the most part it was not problematic in any way. The fact that T.D. is a total beast today is besides the point. There's a ton of laundry to do and various other "back to the real world" crap that needs to be done so this will be short.

Some of you out there know that I haven't filled my family in on this little blog I've got going. I decided this week that in person would be a good time. The fact that I accidentally sent my mother a link to it a few weeks ago also added to the fact that I felt the need to come clean so to speak.

Scene: Mother and Daughter in tiny cramped very rustic cabin kitchen. Seriously it was tiny. I'm talking maybe 4 ft wide including the counter space and 6 ft long. Barely room to navigate around each other and forget it if someone tries to open the fridge. We are getting a casserole ready for the family get together later in the day. My feelings on casseroles are long so let's just skip to the point- I don't like them. I consider them almost rude. Anyway, the scene is set.

Daughter: So, I'm going to a writers workshop in November. I'll be able to hear readings, submit my manuscript and learn to write queries. Plus network. I'm really excited.

Mother: Oh, that's nice. You have a manuscript? (D cringes)

D: Yes, I do, a few actually. Plus the blog.

M: Oh good. (reads casserole directions like it's the dead sea scrolls)

D: Yup. I'm doing pretty well with the writing. I write every day. I even got hate mail.

M: Hate mail? Why? What did you do?

D: Well... I wrote a little humour piece, all I write is usually humorous or tries to be, and I made a joke about Catholic guilt....

M: Oh. You should know better than to make a joke about Catholics. (Gives me a pained Mom look)

D: If you read my stuff you would know that I'm sarcastic and not very PC so basically this Dot lady should have known better. But that's besides the point. (Insert me explaining to Mother about the piece on Honest Baby and the other woman who came to my defense. Plus add in the part about how Dot hoped to never have the misfortune to read my stuff ever again. Ok Dot, so no one is holding your eyelids open making you read my stuff.)

Enter Father of Daughter.

F: What is this about hate mail? Oh. Your writing. Hm...

D: (desperately trying to keep conversation going hoping that parents will actually ask- what the hell are you writing about anyway? Where can we find it? Can we read it? Wow D we are proud of you for trying.)

Yeah, and in July I'm going to a conference about blogging in Chicago. I'll be learning more about how to do things online to the blog, networking and meeting other women bloggers. I'm really excited about it all.

M: That's nice.

End of scene.

AUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! To say that I was in a pissy, hissy, cranky pants mood after all this was an understatment. I cracked open a beer around 11 a.m. and sat outside reading yet another Laurie Notaro book hoping to laugh my ass off as she describes how her family doesn't quite get her writing thing either.

So bascially in the end I told H all about it and said this: You know what fuck it. I don't care if they read it or not. But know this! I will put that story out there about my Mom and the retards. Oh yes I will.

Product of the Week!

Today I heard something disturbing. It didn't surprise me, only saddened me more than I can say. In a recent survey it was found that only 40% of the U.S. population could name the three branches of the government. But the remaining 60% could name all three of the Stooges. Lovely. I feel so proud. I hate when I see those "man on the street" interviews that Leno or Conan do that ask typical U.S. citizens third grade level U.S. history questions and they get them horrifingly wrong. It's so embarrassing. I cringe. Not just because I was a U.S. History major but because it's elementary stuff. Things we SHOULD know.

Recently I saw one of those interviews where they asked high school students questions like: Who is Abraham Lincoln? Not one, I repeat, not one of the ten students shown could answer that question. WHAT?! This to me is actually inexcusable. This stuff should be drilled into our heads. It's basic knowledge of our country. Geez. Enough of my rant but seriously folks this is pathetic. I also hate the Three Stooges (Moe, Larry and Curly- are you happy?). I'm more of a Marx Bros. type girl.

So the product of the week is this: Buy a copy of Newsweek or Time. Check a history book out of the library or go on line and learn about the state you live in or are from. Something! I refuse to believe that my readers are in this 60%.


P.S. Legislative, Judicial and Executive.

R&R

I will be (see above) for a few days. Taking some time with the family unit that is probably much needed. We'll be in peaceful, tranquil woods, in a rather small cabin that only has one bedroom. Oh and did I mention that my parents, H, T.D. and all her baby acoutrements will be with us in this one bedroom peaceful, tranquil wooded abode? Yup. I won't be writing while there. I will be truly resting while I swat cat-sized mosquitos and eat only God knows what. H is leary of the food situation. I am too. I loathe seafood and I think that is on the menu at least once a day while we are there. Somehow though I do think it will be fun. I mean there is clear water, a sandy beach and there WILL BE clamcakes so how bad can it be?

See you all in a few days!

You Are Going Little Missy and That's That.

Ok so T.D. is only about six months old right now. How the heck I have a six month old kid is beyond me but that's besides the point. I was just reading a post on the blog, The Collin Chronicles, Tales of the Tiny Tyrant, when it made me think of T.D.'s future and a conversation I had with her this past weekend.

Scene: Sunday afternoon. It was probably more like 10 a.m. but we had been up so long since SOMEONE didn't want to sleep past six that if felt like 3 p.m. or later. T.D. is on the floor banging away on her little piano. The kid loves to make noise, loves to bang toys with her hands, bang her hands into the floor or do all three. She is destined to follow in the footsteps of Animal from the Muppet Show. I am making a Mexican chicken salad for dinner that has to marinate for a while (I sound so domestic I might puke). Plus, I must keep moving or I WILL fall asleep. On the kitchen DVD player (sometimes the fact that I have this makes me cringe) I am playing season one of Felicity. I used to hate this show until the last season and then it mercilessly sucked me in never to be a non-Felicity fan again. Sigh. It's the early episode where Felicity decides to stay in New York and persue her college career there. Her parents are not pleased and want to drag her ass back to Palo Alto. Anyway, it made me think and utter aloud to no one in particular, why do parents do this? Why do they think it's better to make their kids decisions for them? To hold on so tight that it is sure to backfire on them. Don't they watch tv or the movie of the week? It never works! If it does it later backfires on their kids and all hell breaks loose in a drug binge, bombing or some other weirdly tragic story.

Thinking this, I looked down at T.D. She is humming and smiles up at me. I smile back and say, T.D. I love you and will support you in whatever you do (short of taking up prostitution or drug running, I'm fine if she wants to be an arms dealer). You want to be a trapeze artiste? Fine, I support you. You want to be a professional cheerleader, singer in a band, or nuclear physicist? Fine. I support you. BUT, no matter what you want to be YOU MUST GO TO COLLEGE CHICKY. I don't care where you go, even if it's out of country or in the middle of nowhere Montana. Down the street or wherever, I support you. I will try and provide in any way possible. I just want you to go to college.

T.D. smiles me. Crazy Mummy. Crazy. She bangs on her piano and lets out a shriek. I smile. Julliard is fine with me.

You MUST

IMMEDIATELY go out and buy a copy of Laurie Notaro's book, 'We Though You Would be Prettier, True Tales of the Dorkiest Girl Alive'. If you have a computer, then fine, order it off the link in the title. I've been sitting at my desk LOOSING it with tears in my eyes I'm laughing so hard. Her chapter on the weird hair guy at the pet store is just way too funny. So pick up a copy at your local Borders, Barnes or library. She has quite a few books out and while this is my first I'm sure they are all pretty funny.

You Better Check Yo'Self...

You know what I'm going to say. Before you wreck yo'self. This morning on my commute which often gives me time to think I suddenly got all twitchy mad for a few moments. It wasn't the commute or some stupid driver either. It was the "busy" excuse. The "busy" excuse as I'll call it is used so frequently now. It's just that too; an excuse. We are all sooooooooooobusy aren't we? It's maddening and sickening. I am guilty of using this too. I often find that in lieu of writing what I'm really doing with my days and nights (working, gym, traffic, errands, changing numerous outfits/diapers, feedings, bottles, the list goes on)in an email I'll write, "H and I are busy with work/life as usual..." However, I do try not to say this as an excuse as to why I haven't called or kept in touch. I think I'm actually pretty good about that. Yes, life gets away from you and such. But let me just say this. It's an excuse. So I probably just wrecked myself right there by even typing this out in public. It's just that I'm tired of being told this. No one is truly that busy. And unless you are working for Miranda Priestly or some high level government faction, I'm going to say this, I don't want to hear it. If I do, you just might hear this from me.... a dial tone. Honestly, no one is that busy.

Now go call your mother or your friend that you have been neglecting.

That crashing noise you just heard is just me wrecking myself.

I knew there was a reason I liked her

Yeah, I'm a Gwyneth fan. I always have been. I like her movies, her not so wonderful but decent singing voice, and the honesty she seems to project. I say seems because really nothing is ever as it truly seems. Anyway, read on if you want.
How Gwyneth Paltrow Lost Her Baby Weight (Trainer? Lots of time because of Nanny?)
THURSDAY AUGUST 10, 2006 08:05AM EST

By Stephen M. Silverman

Gwyneth Paltrow and a canine companion

Photo by: Courtesy Harper's Bazaar


Even Gwyneth Paltrow worries about losing her post-pregnancy weight, although she says she's been less stressed since giving birth to son Moses in April than she was after she had daughter Apple, 2.

"The first time, you are horrified," she tells Harper's Bazaar in its September issue. "It's all lovely when you are pregnant; but when you are not pregnant and you haven't been for a couple of months and you are still carrying tons of extra weight and everything's all hanging and sagging, you think, How is this ever going to go back? But it does. If you do a lot of working out."

Both times she was expecting, Paltrow, 33, says she gained 40 lbs., and lost 20 by the time she came out of the hospital.

"With Apple I kept the extra 20 pounds on until she was three months old, and then it came off," she says. "And that's exactly what's happening now." She's been working out, "but not dieting, because I am a milk machine."

But should anyone think her figure is perfect again, Paltrow says, "They should see the cellulite on my thighs right now." (Whoo HOO a woman admitting to cellulite!)

Still, the woman once known for her alcohol-free macrobiotic diet has loosened up. Her vices, she says, are "California and New Zealand pinot noirs." Once the kids are in bed, "I come downstairs, pour myself a glass of red wine and sit in the garden" of the London home she shares with husband Chris Martin.

Any beauty secrets she'll pass on to Apple? "Drink tons of water, and wear sunscreen," she says. "And I really do think that if you eat fresh, organic, good food, you look like it."

Did You Ever-

Did you ever wish that you could be something else?

As a kid you always hope/think that superhero powers might actually exist. I remember once my best friend and I firmly believed in that if we wished it hard enough and thought about it long enough we too could have I Dream of Jeannie's ability to blink over crossed arms and Poof! Something magical would happen. For some reason we didn't think this held true for the nose twitching of Bewitched's Samantha but maybe it was actually really all about the costume.

Now as an adult I still wish sometimes that I could be something - invisible, could fly, or blink myself somewhere. I wonder- is that insane. So I'm posing the question: What would you like to be now? Just for one day.

I think I would be a ninja.

Things That Make You Go Hmm...

Click on the title and you'll find an amusing little video of Ms. Spears-Federline. You have to have the sound turned on just to let you know. I swear though it makes you wonder a million different things but mainly- is it possilbe that K-Fed is the smart one in the relationship? H and I concluded that she hadto have been on something. What's with the Whitney Houston like twitching anyway?

Product of the Week!

This week I'm featuring the Sugar Body Scrub from the Fresh line. I LOVE LOVE LOVE this stuff. I first got it about four years ago in a teensy tiny sample jar. The minute I opened that container it was love. I wanted to eat it, lick it, whatever I could not stop smelling that scrub! So I'm kind of a nut about it. But it does work! It's not too harsh and brown sugar has great anti-bacterial qualities about it and that strawberry/lemon scent just makes you go MMMMMM....

Joy!

Seriously, I will not be able to watch when Mario Lopez is on. For some reason that I just cannot explain I loathe him. I always have even in his days as MC-Hammer pants wearing AC Slater. I hated when he danced on Saved By the Bell and now he's being featured as a dancer on this show? (see link in title) I will however definetly be tuning in to see Mr. Lawrence. WHOA! And Shana Moakler. She's from RI, she mentioned clamcakes on Mtv, that makes her a-ok in my book. Even if she did cheat in the Ms. Teen RI pagent of 1992. We saw you stuff your pink gown with illegal falsies Ms. Moakler, we saw you....

Oh Where to Begin With This One

Yes, I am a working Mom. This is a fact of my life. I have many friends who work and have kids, be it part time or full. I also have friends who stay at home with their childeren. On top of that I have friends who don't have kids at all. Whew! I value all of these women for their choices and lifestyles for one reason- whatever their lifestyle choice they are happy with it or they make due. They are honest with themselves and their lives. They don't sugar coat the crap either. They all admit to bad days and wondering if life is greener or the other side. They know deep down it's not and that there are compromises, joys and failures in each type of life. They are ok with that.

Ok so this brings me to the rather annoying thing I have chosento talk about today. Yeah, I know I've missed the Product of the Week but more on that later. I swear. I freely admit before I really begin this topic that I am not perfect. In any way. I don't have the "perfect" body, mind or soul. I am not the best wife, mother or friend out there. Sometimes I'm downright lazy and slovenly. I burn things. I let T.D. cry too long or forget - oh yeah- she might need to be changed. I can chalk that all up to having too much going on in our lives and being a new Mom. But one thing is for sure and always holds true. I'm honest about my life. It can be crazy. I am honest about my dealing with PPD and how frustrated life can be as a new Mom, working or not. So what I hate is pity. Pity and dishonesty. DO NOT SEND ME AN EMAIL TELLING ME YOU FEEL BAD FOR ME. I do not want your pseudo pity with your cheap smugness lying behind it. I see it and you for what you really are. Someone who is deeply unhappy with your life for whatever reasons and you just can't admit to it. I don't even feel bad for you in any way. If you choose to live a lie and pretend that your life is "just great" ALL THE TIME, go for it. I will listen to you when you crack if you ever do and there won't be any cheap smugness lying behind my words. It's ok to admit to faults and fears. It really is.

People aren't perfect nor should they be. Life has crazy accidents, not everyone wants to live their life the same way and that's what makes this world great. Yeah, my job can suck but as of late I choose to not let it get to me. I'm working on finding an alternative. I know that even that won't be perfect. Life will still have it's insane moments. I wouldn't trade them for a dozen or more of your homemade cookies.

Besides I still make most of my food from scratch and I work full time. So beat that! (Sorry I had to get a Kanye reference in there) I know my child is happy and well taken care of and I love the time I spend with her. I worry about her yes. That is what parents do no matter what the situation is. Like I've said before as women/mothers/wives and friends we need to be together in the fact that no matter what choices we make we accept them and know that even if we don't agree with someone we support them. We don't offer fake pity and sorrow. We support and know that they are doing what is best for their family at that time. Or at least we hope so.

I just had to get that off my chest. Don't take this as a rant about me feeling insecure about my choices. Take it for what it is. A warning. A warning to those who read this and then comment to me about how awful my life must be. Spare me.



*******************A Comment Sent Via Email******************************************
I can relate to a lot of what you said. I get the smugness all the time directed towards me because I don't have a child to parade around or to live vicariously through. I think it is too much for some people to wrap their minds around, but there are other alternatives and as you said not everyone is the same. Thank God. So I did not lose my virginity on prom night or marry my high school sweetheart, or get pregnant on my honeymoon. Here's the ironic part, I feel sorry for people who took that route more than they could ever feel sorry for me. I see how desperately some women try to stifle their child's development on different levels and I think most are not even aware that they are doing it. At least I hope they are not. The children become their life and when that child grows up and has his or her own life the woman is an empty shell "married" to some guy she barely knows. I have to defend my choice everyday and answer deeply personal questions. The worst part is, I know it is not out of concern from these women, they don't even know me. They have no idea the reason why I don't have children yet they continue to pry even when I say no I don't have them. It's amazing, almost comical, but it isn't. The only reason they pry is because they are jealous of what they see on the outside, how pathetic is that?
Ok, that was my rant from the non-mom who gets crap for it on a daily perspective.

Reminder

This post will serve as a reminder. A reminder to me that H is a good guy. Last night as I rolled into our designated parking space I noticed he was home early. THANK YOU! Hopefully, he'll stay home I think to myself. He's normally at a seminar on Monday nights. At this point I already know the jig is up. I am sick and it's not going to get better but worse as the night progresses. If H is home tonight I will have help with T.D.! Hyper T.D. who now coughs like a barking seal when she wants our attention. What a drama queen!

About an hour into being home I'm in my comfy clothes (ancient yellow shorts and a Maryland T-shirt) with pillows and a blanket laying on the couch. T.D. is on the floor playing with her blocks and such. H has ordered my fave Thai soup and will be picking it up shortly with meds for me. Yeah!

As the evening progresses into dinner I become achier. Is that a word? I am huddled in a ball on the hard kitchen chair. I've fed T.D. her wonderful dinner of rice cereal mixed with pureed prunes. Yum! Don't you want some of that? I eat my soup and attempt to eat my Pad Kaprow. I figure spicy foods will kick this cold in the gonads. That's my theory anyway. Eventually I give up. I'm not really hungry. The idea of even drinking water makes my throat hurt more. H sends me to bed. I resist and unload the dishwasher becoming out of breath. Ok, maybe I do need to get to bed. But I feel bad. I feel bad that H needs to get all of our stuff ready for work and school tomorrow plus take care of T.D. He says he doesn't mind and off I go.

When I get into our bedroom I find my book, tissues, some throat spray and water on my nightstand. All courtesy of H. Awwww... so nice. He comes in with tea later. Very nice and some nyquil. Just what I need. I hear him put T.D. to bed and listen to her across the hall talking to herself until she falls asleep. Aaahh bliss. I am in my nyquil induced sleep.

It gets better too. T.D. only woke up once last night. YES!!!!!!!!!!!! H pacied her up and she was out again. This morning I crawled out from the covers in a snot-encrusted state and got ready for work. Another day has begun. A little easier because H was such a good guy.

So when I think he doesn't do anything for me I just need to have this as a reminder. Yes, he loves me and cares for me, and probably doesn't want to deal with my cranky ass whining from the couch all night. It's easier, smarter and nicer for EVERYONE if I'm tucked away in bed.

Wah...

I'm sick. I hate being sick. I really do. Especially now that I have T.D. for a few reasons.
1. I don't want her to get sick and inadvertently get a whole roomful of daycare kids sick.
2. I cannot get that old Robitussin commercial with "Dr.Mom" out of my head now.
3. I have no PTO or sick leave (that doesn't exsist here) to take.

I am achy. I am congested. I am Jack's spleen. For some reason that never stops being funny to me. I still love my Fight Club! My throat hurts. Are you feeling my pain? Dayquil only does so much. How I drove to work today is a mystery to me. I think the Pathfinder just intinctively knows (but not scarily Christine-like knows) how to get here each day.

So I sit here at my desk, under my bountiful flourescent lighting, and sip my tea with lemon. I brought soup to work but forgot a bowl. Sigh. If I break the microwave at work will I have to fess up and buy a new one? Will they know it's my veggie soup can that made the 'wave go up in flames?

Is it worth it to stay at work because we are having divine, yummy chocolate cake filled with Costco-style chocolate mousse? Probably not, but it is tempting.

Oh No....

It seems Jessica Simpson is remaking Dead or Alive's song 'You Spin Me Right Round' (Like a Record). Good God is there no limit to what this girl will remake/steal? Seriously has she no shame? I do not want to think of her when I hear that song. Or any other. When will the madness end that is all things Jessica?!? I used to think she was ok when she had Nick by her side. Now? No thank you I would not like some more of what she has to offer. If I see one more pic of her with Ken Paves and some giant bag and even bigger, messier hair (I just don't get that one- you have a hairstylist as your b.f.f. yet your hair looks like crap) I'm going to have impale myself on something.

So this is probably my last post because US Weekly should be rolling hot off the presses any minute now with you guessed it another photo of Ms. Simpson and her friend/slave Ken. Augh.

Check out the article linked to the title too. It's a good one.

I've become Golum

And sleep is my "precious". Seriously what is up with T.D.? All of a sudden her little internal clock is working on a whole other continent's time schedule. Last night H and I sat down to watch a movie. We wisely started it before T.D. went to bed knowing full well we were already on little sleep from the night before and wouldn't last past the witching hour of 9 p.m. in our house. Plus it's a Sunday night- big week ahead, and we need our sleep. Yeah, that's what we tell ourselves so we don't feel like we're 85 and going to bed after our early bird dinner.

I put T.D. down about 7 p.m., she was incredibly cranky so why not. As I walk back downstairs into the den I see H on the couch curled up and almost completely asleep. No! Not yet!! TOO early!!! I wake him up and we continue with the movie. The movie that is only 1 hour and 54 minutes long but feels like a freakin' eternity. It's 'Libertine', the dark Johnny Depp film. You know the one he came out with in between his Pirates movie so he wouldn't seem like he was getting too commercial. Anyway, it's not good enough to keep our sleep addled brains entertained. I find I'm almost throwing myself into an Elaine Bennis/English Patient frenzy on the floor. Suffice to say, with thirty minutes left to the film we shut it off and went to bed- at 7:30 p.m. We are so old.

Did anyone see this movie? I didn't love it but I would like to know what happened at the end.

Unrealistic Expectations

Recently H and I have been discussing the future of our little family unit more so than we have in the past. This is mainly because we would really like it if I could stay home and work from there and be with T.D. more. This is our goal and we've been trying to take steps to get there as much as possible. Be it a new budget or taking on extra work whatever. Then I get an email from a friend the other day that made me wonder, if I'm home all the time what are H's expectations of me concerning the actual house. How much housework, errands, etc would I be taking on or did he expect me to do because I'm home. Even if I'm working and taking care of T.D. (who as of late has become extremely demanding between the hours of 1-4 a.m.)

There was a time in our marriage, in the very beginning, where I was unemployed for many many long moons. I loathed it. I got fat, eating cookies and watching Oprah and crap tv. I baked non-stop. We were in a new area and I knew no one. A girl can only clean so much. H would come home and I expected him to help with the dishes after dinner or do a load of laundry. His theory was if I was unemployed then my job was to be a full time housewife. ICK! Not my thing. I'm not a slob but it's pretty damn boring and hard to find satisfaction in doing the same tasks over and over again. With no kids to add to the mix and create unexpected adventures staying at home is boring in a desert town with only a Jack in the Box to "do lunch". As much as I loved Jack in the Crack it doesn't cut it.

This all brings me to you readers- do you feel that too much is expected of you even if you work full time, have kids or don't? Does one spouse seem to do more than the other?

As it stands right now H & I are pretty even. I would hate it though if suddenly I'm a haus frau with T.D. hanging on me AND I'm trying to get creative and write. It ain't happening. Something has to eventually give.

Love & Marriage

According to H/Mogul you don't need love to be married. Well, yeah. But, it does help. I'm not in total agreement with him on this one. I know that some people have arranged marriages and they work, usually because love grows from that. I think he's trying to say that respect has to come into play pretty seriously and mutual likes and dislikes. Maybe I have him wrong though. I could. I've only had one cup of coffee this morning.

Things brings me to another issue though entirely that I've been bumping up against lately. The marriage/baby snafu I will call it. Because it is. It's chaos and disruption and a continued one. I know I know- that is all very normal. But, see I've just come to the realization that I honestly thought that H/Mogul and I might be immune to that. We have a relatively strong relationship that's weathered a few things in the time since we've become a couple. I don't think I fully anticipated that new baby/new job/new career and new business would totally knock us on our asses. Granted the PPD doesn't help either. Maybe if we just had one of these things we wouldn't be in this snafu. Now that this problem has my full attention I want to do nothing but fix it. Fix it - immediately. Post haste! However, life does get in the way. The small amount of time that H/Mogul and I have together is usually sucked up with us relaying our days/any issues that have come up, problem solving, spending quality time with T.D. and getting house stuff done. Then poof! It's time for bed and we're exhausted. Romance? What's that? Yeah sure I've bought "special" underwear in hopes of using it. I shave my legs religeously but we collapse into bed, look at each other and think - you're nice. I like you. Good night! Snoorrree.....

It doesn't stop there. That is the least of my marriage/baby snafu issues. It's the distance and loss of relating to each other that occurs. It just creeps in and decides to hang out. My real problem now is that I don't want it to stay. Sure some people seem to think it's normal and let it go. I on the other hand have never been one to settle and neither has H/Mogul. We don't let things slide in our other avenues of life so why with the very core of our relationship? Why do others? You let it go and before long you are either on Dr. Phil complaining you haven't had sex in 16 years or you head to divorce court and become a statistic (I use this in the terms of couples who have children and then relate through them and lose their husband and wife relationship). This is what I see anyway. I don't want either of those as my end result. I don't want to be married for the sake of being married and find out down the road I'm married to a someone I no longer know or like. So how do we kick this snafu out? It's what I ask myself each day. I sadly, have not really come upon an answer beyond the usual. The make time for each other thing, etc. I know it takes two people to solve these problems and lots o communicating with one another continuously. It also takes the energy to do that and being around each other and that is what I think is lacking right now.

See and now I've gone and done what I didn't think I would do - air my marriage out there. But hey, I know we are not alone. So I figure I'll throw it out there and see what comes back.

So.....

Last night H (who seriously doesn't want to be called H anymore and has suggested some embarrassingly bad names like Super D. Um... no, nice try) asked me for the millionth time to watch this motiviational/inspirational (read mumbo jumbo) DVD with him. I resisted for as long as I could. It's 90 minutes he says. 90 MINUTES?! When do we have 90 minutes on a weeknight were we are awake and actually processing information?! Finally though I decided to give it a go. I skipped the gym (yes, H this is why I skipped the gym because this was important to you so I put my quest for buns of steel aside for you.) and I headed home to watch this thing.

It started off incredibly hoaky with some woman looking like Halle Barry from X-Men speaking with an Aussie accent running around Da Vinci Code like in cheap DVD manner. I had to suppress a few groans. Then come the speakers or the "guides" as I think of them. They start explaining some pretty common sense things about the power of positive thinking and projection. It's basically things I grew up hearing from my parents or church. Not that difficult really to take in. It's applying and continuing to apply it correctly that is the tricky part. If you can master that then you find success in life. Whatever that success may be that you are seeking. Again, pretty much common sense. It did however get to me a bit and make me think- ok fine I'll try that. I'm always open to making life better. Who isn't. My grateful list is actually one of the things you are supposed to do. So hey! I'm already on the right path.

My only concern is this- what if suddenly my writing turns all hearts and flowery and I lose whatever small bit of sarcasm I do posess. Sad, sad. I can't let that happen! If I do feel free to kick me in my karmic butt a few times and I'm sure I'll come around.

P.S. How about Mogul H? Would you like that better? I find it might be just snarky enough for you.

Grateful/Thankful

It has come to my attention that some of you have actually started doing this little excercise with me and I think that's just great. I try to do this each day, either in the morning as I wake up or as I'm falling asleep. Sometimes it's more like, I thankful for my health and that everything is ok with....snnnnnnnnnzzzzzzzzzzzzz. But, usually I can list at least three things. So here's todays.

1. My house. I like it. It suits my needs. I have a roof over my head which is more than some people can say.

2. There is food in my house. Probably an over abundance. Again, more than some people have in a month.

3. I am able to buy gas for my car without worrying about paying for it. This is a serious problem for some people these days.

These are pretty basic but if you think of the basics you realize how good you actually have it rather than focusing on what you don't have. Makes life a whole lot more pleasant when I do remember to focus on this stuff.

Love/Hate, Hate/Love. It's a Psychosissssss....

Hey Kids- guess what movie that is from? If you guess correctly I'll send you something nifty!

Seriously I will.

The title does have a point. For you regular readers you know I have strong feelings on certain issues. Dick Cheney- love to hate him. It could be a hobby of mine. Actually it sort of is. Darth Vader- love him. When I was a kid I wanted to be him. I would sit at the dinner table and breathe into my milk glass so that I sounded like him. I didn't want Princess Leia underoos- I wanted the full on Vader costume. I like my dark side of the force. Another love of mine is all things Batman. I love the Adam West Batman and all the movies minus the one with Ahnold as Mr. Freeze. That one just sucked. I was quite pleased with the introduction of Christian Bale as the new Bruce Wayne. I like him in that role. He's just dark enough.

This brings me to yesterday- when it was announced that for the next Batman film due in Summer '08, Heath Ledger has been slated to play the new younger Joker character. Hmm..... I like Heath Ledger. He's my fake H when H goes away for a while. H (who incidentaly wants a new name) makes fun of how I rent a ton of Heath Ledger movies while he is gone. There's just something about him that reminds me of H. Call me crazy. I can almost see him smiling in that Joker manner. Almost but not quite. If he plays him before the transformation I can dig it. If they dip him in that acid bath it's a no go. It may just be one strike too many against the Batman series for this fan.

I'm not even going to close with the.... until next time- same bat time.... yada yada yada.

Paranoia!

Lately I'm so busy at work that I rarely see my co-workers except in fleeting moments at the copier or whizzing by them in the hallways. We're all busy right now it seems with no time to check in with each other. One thing that I've noticed that has started happening from this is the -"So HOW ARE you? It's said in a long drawn out way full of meaning. It never fails to stop me in my tracks, my brain temporarily halts and I look up at them and think-ooh what? What do you mean by that? Who have you been talking to? How much do you know? Why are you asking? All these questions run through my head in about 2.5 seconds.

I casually will say everything is fine. Sometimes I blurt out too much. Which I immediately hate myself for. I wonder- am I being paranoid? What have I told this person? Are they asking about the Post Partum? Usually it's just a case of asking for the sake of asking and I'm off the hook. Occasionally though it's by someone who actually knows what is going on and I feel manic in just saying- Oh! Two months off the meds- Doing Great!!! Right. I'm doing so great that I overemphasize everything and I'm smiling so much I look like a dog bearing it's teeth.

Now I'm paranoid that I'm scaring people.

The 2996 Project

I'm taking part in the 2996 Project and to any other fellow bloggers out there who want to take part just go to http://www.dcroe.com/2996/ and join. I've been assigned Tyler V. Ugolyn, age 23

I think this is a good idea. I hope we don't ever forget what happened that day.

Ickyblecheewwgrossbarf

Queue the Mission Impossible music please- (you can thank me later for having that stuck in your head all day.)

My company has had the brilliant idea to stick Tom (I need meds myself) Cruise all over the damn building. Everywhere I go there he is. He stares out at me blankly in full Ethan of Mission Impossible mode. I sometimes wonder if I'm hallucinating. The purpose of his face being plastered everywhere? We're having a security fair coming up and what could be better than T.C. on a sign that says- Spies Among Us? Ooh clever, clever.

There's a clean up needed in hall N-4 as I have just puked again after being bombarded with T.C. for the 15th time today.

Telekinetic?

I'm having a not so good day today which really pisses me off. I just want a ho-hum average day but that never seems to happen anymore. If work is dull then all hell breaks loose in my personal life, and vice versa.

So work is ok, it's just a little crazy which is not bad as compared to the ton 'o' crazy that it can be. My printer just ran out of paper. I replaced it. It didn't read that it had paper. So I fixed it again. I realize the outer shell of the printer is heinously dirty. Ick. Must clean. My mind is all awhirl though with work plus personal issues and I'm feeling a little insensed. As I turn around in a frenzy a plaque I have flies off it's shelf. Was I near the shelf? Nope. It has landed on the floor and broken. Very strange indeed. And more than a little creepy.

If I start getting telekinetic I just have one thing to say. People at work better watch out. I have a sick sense of humor that I will unleash.

Moving on I'm not really feeling very witty the last few days. I feel a bit down. My appointment with my psychiatrist lady was canceled so after having to schedule it a month out now it seems I can't find time to meet with her for yet another month. I am thinking- who needs it? I don't. I don't care. I don't see this as a sign of depression I see this as someone saying- I don't care. That's all. No need to read into it any further. I've been fine off the meds for about 2 months now. I'm not feeling insane any longer. Mainly it's an absence of feeling I have lately. It's sort of scary. It's like something has just wilted or dried up. It scared me for a bit but I honestly don't know what to do about it. I'm at a total loss. It's as if I need a lot of time. A lot of time to think things over. I don't have it so my brain says ok, just keep reading,working, eating, sleeping, eventually you'll start feeling witty again. You'll find your "sparkle" as my friend and I used to say. Sometimes you lose it but it always comes back.

Then again maybe something is seriously wrong because the idea of eating carbs or junk food just makes me sick. That, my friend, is totally out of character for me. Even the idea of free latte's just makes me think- no so much. Thanks anyway.

Have I just entered my own personal Twilight Zone?

This Falls in the Category of-

Mildly disturbing? I think. I'm talking about the fact that if you type in Tori Spelling's name on ebay you will find a ton of her clothes. Some really cute things at very nice prices. Yet it is disturbing because she's selling the stuff to furnish a $40,000 nursery she is designing. WHAT?! Excuse Miss but you have no money now supposedly so don't you think the money you are raising should go towards say... mortgage or car payments. Since supposedly you can't even buy a tiny LA apartment (sniff sniff), at least according to your friends who are willing to speak to the tabloids about you. Let's also not forget the fact that Tori claims she is not pregnant. I guess you never know when you'll need a nursery though so better to be prepared than not? I find that mildly disturbing too.

http://search.ebay.com/tori-spelling_W0QQfromZR8QQfrtsZ0QQfsooZ1QQfsopZ1